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Friendship Detox: 3 Science-Approved Tips For Saying No To Social Drains (Without Hurting Feelings)

During this festive season filled with invitations, there's solace in scientific validation for those inclined towards quiet nights in – it's perfectly acceptable to decline social invites. A recent report, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, delves into the perceived consequences of rejecting social outings. Contrary to common anxieties, the study suggests that people tend to overestimate the impact of saying no, questioning whether declined invitations lead to disappointment or altered perceptions.


Friendship Detox.

During this festive season filled with invitations, there's solace in scientific validation for those inclined towards quiet nights in – it's perfectly acceptable to decline social invites. A recent report, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, delves into the perceived consequences of rejecting social outings. Contrary to common anxieties, the study suggests that people tend to overestimate the impact of saying no, questioning whether declined invitations lead to disappointment or altered perceptions.

The genesis of this research inquiry originated from the personal apprehensions of Julian Givi, an assistant professor of marketing at West Virginia University. Reflecting on his own reluctance to attend a distant and inconvenient wedding, Givi pondered the validity of worries about potential negative repercussions. The study engaged over 2,000 participants across two groups – inviters and invitees – and conducted five rounds of experiments, exploring imagined scenarios and real-life situations.

The study reveals an asymmetry in concerns between inviters and invitees. Invitees, fearing negative outcomes like angering the inviter or jeopardizing future invitations, often magnify the significance of their declination. The research highlights that invitees overestimate how much inviters focus on the decline itself, rather than considering the invitee's thought process leading to the decision.

However, this newfound understanding doesn't advocate indiscriminate rejection of invitations. Julian Givi provides thoughtful tips on respectfully declining offers, emphasizing the importance of giving reasons rather than a blunt "no." Mentioning anticipated costs for events like dinners or shows in your explanation can enhance understanding and reduce pressure. Additionally, he suggests expressing gratitude while proposing an alternative activity in the future, reinforcing the value of the relationship.

Beyond social norms, legitimate reasons abound for preferring solitude over costly parties, trips, or gatherings. Financial constraints during the holiday season, exemplified by Americans accumulating debt to meet festive expenses, provide valid grounds for declining social events. Givi emphasizes that declining invitations is not always rooted in conflicting commitments or financial constraints but may simply stem from a genuine lack of desire to attend certain events. It's a sentiment he affirms is entirely acceptable – not every event is one you want to attend.

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